Money and Sacred Service

I havent been advertising lately. I want to, I miss providing, but I am also in the process of reorienting myself. In the past, money has been such a priority that I think it contributed to burn out.  Now I have a chance to build something different: a path that is nourishing to both the client and myself. I want to provide a service where I don't feel dependent on my patrons. I don't like the idea of getting anyone "hooked" on me, spending more money than they can afford. I want to foster a healthy client/courtesan relationship. It would bring me great joy to hear of my clients taking that healing home to their wives, to rekindle sex lives. 

Making money is still part of the aim for me--growing a business that is mine, that can support me in other creative endeavors. There is a form of magick that takes place in the exchange of money, I've written about this before. It helps both parties acknowledge an exchange of energies. It aids in defining the relationship. 

For this to be a sacred path, for me, i want to grow abundance in a holistic way.  And yes, I think sex work can be done in a holistic fashion. But I suppose thats another subject.

Sharing Secrets, pt 2.

The secret of my sex work came out to just about the last family member that I care to tell. As for the rest, they will judge me how they will and I am at peace with that.  But it felt good to tell her--even if she's not of blood relation, she is family.

It marks a turning point, where I am no longer fearful of any of my family or loved ones rejecting me for what I do. Less and less do I worry what judgment others have. If I spent all my time trying to please people, doing what I thought they wanted, they would judge me as weak-willed and simply being a people pleaser, and they would be right. There is the nature of a people pleaser in me (how else could I enjoy this job so?) but I cannot let it rule every hour of my life.

As far as I know, I am unknown at work, but I don't know how long that can last. It seems inevitable, with the number of men working there. If I advertise regularly, it's only a matter of time before one of them sees me. Even if I blurred my face, I am not sure that would hide me.

I'm still deciding if I care about that, or if it just excites me.

Ideas of Sacred Sex

In an online conversation today, it was mentioned by an aquaintance that he finds sacred sexuality too "serious," without room for exploring in a playful way.  He is a fairly kinky fellow, as am I, and I can see his point.  In all of my book study thus far, I am finding a lot less sex than I thought. Also, in my meeting with other sacred sexuality practitioners, I find they focus on energy work and massage. They rarely, if ever offer full service. It may be a legality thing, or a personal boundary and either way, it's up to them.

What we view as sacred is shaped by many things, including how we were raised, our culture and society. Sacred things are touched by God, and profane things are not.

I take a wider view of the sacred.  Sacred sex does not need to be serious, quiet or solemn.  It can be crass, silly, even perverted. The Sacred exists in all things, manifested or potentially; usually a combination of both.  I do not separate between sacred and profane, at least not in a conventional way.  The archetype of the Trickster has taught me there is sacredness in profanity, wisdom in folly, and foolishness is the serious.  Any true idea contains its opposite within.

I know that in my own work, I straddle a line between the sacred sex priestess and the unabashed whore. And I like that. Not everyone who comes to me wants a heavy "sacred" vibe, or deep conversation.  Sometimes they just need to be touched, to spend naked time with a lovely woman, or get their rocks off.  Sometimes they don't know why.  But its my job to read that desire and deliver it, and that's what I love and miss about this.

The Body as Temple

I've been on a sort of health kick: taking yoga, eating lots of greens and organics, and exploring the idea of body as temple. It has been helpful in keeping my presence in my body fully. All too often, I live in my head.  Sex, of course, is a great way of being fully present in the body-sometimes to the point that the mind seems to dissolve into it.

Focusing on the health of my body, my first temple, has allowed me slow the pace of my mind's process. Helps me focus on the here and now, instead of a constant worry about the future (what will happen, am I prepared for it? what about contingency plans?)  and to just let things be.  It has helped me focus on myself in the moment.

My yoga teacher asked us to thank everyone who loved us into being during our meditation (legs up in the air, heels against the wall).  There were many people to thank: my parents, my family, my close friends.  But I also wanted to thank my clients here, all those who loved this inner harlot out into being. 

The Song Remains the Same

What delightful exploits can I tell you about? Not so much. I have mostly been studying and contemplating my next move. I've accepted the fact that things are going to move slowly (until something changes and it all happens at once!) and I am taking this cue from the universe. I know I won't be able to offer full days of I call for some time now, and I can't pretend that I'll be able to change that anytime soon. Instead, I am looking to see what I am capable of offering and making it special. Short appointments, midday appointments....not so much.  Longer sessions have always been a favorite of mine, and I think this will be key. I'd like to ask for a larger donation (to cover expensive I hotel costs) and relax the time constraints, encourage dinner dates and conversation. I also have an opportunity to take s three day workshop, on this favorite subject of mine. It could be intense(I hope so) and help me deepen this path that I am on.

a feast for the Beast

Firelight shone on the faces of the small crowd gathered around the bonfire that night.  Made glossy by a fine black lacquer, the mask of Anubis parted the way to the altar of BABALON. Robed and bare chested, the masked man-turned-god echoed out into the forest clearing.

"Who among us has never attended? Who among us has not tasted Her flesh?"

The initiate, a small man, eyes hiding behind thick frames and bound up in his robe, is lead in procession around the fire by twin priestesses, wearing jingling bells and little less. Crackling fire fills the silence as they arrive at the altar. There, BABALON reclined there, thick-limbed and dark red waves of hair. Jewels dripped from her neck and arms.

"What will you offer to our lady?" the Anubis croaked.
"My wisdom," he replied, offering up a golden bell in symbolic gesture.  But the lady tosses it aside with little more than a glance, turning her back to him.
"BABALON is older and wiser than you, mortal human. What else can you offer?"
"M-my reason, my knowledge."  He pours water into a cup of blood red glass. A light otherworldly glows within. But as soon as the glass was taken it was poured out.
"For reason also is a lie--there is knowledge deeper still beyond reason.  Again, what can you offer to her? You must pay the Whore to feed the Beast!"

The crowd, watching in bemusement, begins to chant...Feed the Beast, Pay the Whore...Feed the Beast! Pay the Whore! Softly, slowly at first, then with growing urgency. The initiate too felt it.  It built up into a frenzy that possessed him; tearing his robe from himself he began to gallop and dance around the fire as the drums took up with the chanting.  BABALON had turned her head with interest, turning her attention to this one. Propping one foot on her altar, she watched.

"I will give you my lust! My control!"

The inner beast  had seized him, his cock grown hard. Now, as he rounded the bonfire, he bounded toward BABALON, pulling her into his arms.  Face buried against her neck, taking in her perfumed scent, the soft warmth of her flesh.  Hands groped at pendulous breasts.  Caught in his animal instincts, he did not notice her smile turn to smirk, a hand in his hair pulling him down to his knees. Sharp, crecsent-shaped boline was pressed threateningly to his throat.  "Your lust.  My control."

But fear had left him. Even with the sharp point resting on his pulse, he embraced her hips, kissing her silken mound affectionately, offering up his lust and all else she would take. The blade was dropped and she offered her hand, leading him to her altar. As they lay together, the crowd cheered, firelight making their tangled limbs gleam in the night.

Why no updates?

Put simply, I've not been up to my usual harlotry, with an assortment of excuses.


First, it was the straight job and its seductive allure of security, 401k and health care.  I'd even convinced myself that I wanted more of it, and that I should be focused on moving upward and trading adventure for culturally accepted forms of success.  I put so much energy into it, I was too exhausted to spend time on other projects.  And the stress of attempting to oversee what I had little to no control over was starting to show. I caught myself in time, realizing I had misplaced the focus of my attention.


I had changed my provider name in the beginning of March, and had planned a transition into regular offerings, when I got some life-changing news.  It was of such a somber and personal nature that I questioned wether to share it.  However, there is a bit of distance now and I feel more comfortable sharing it now.  I got the news that my mom was stopping cancer treatment and moving into hospice care. I traveled back to the midwest for a final visit. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm stronger for being there, making sure she was comfortable.  She passed the same night my sister and I held ritual for our parents on the site our father's ashes were scattered.


When I got back, I threw myself into the simple work of bookbinding.  I was gratiful for the abundance of such work, that allowed for a meditative mind. It's always helped my grieving process to busy myself with such work.


Yes, all incredibly unsexy stuff I wasn't eager to share.  It's only in the past couple of weeks I've felt the yearning again, and knew that yes.... it is *finally* time.  It's time to follow my passions, no matter how unorthodox.


It starts tomorrow...where I am flying out to a festival with workshops about sacred sex and sex magick. There will be other sacred harlots to meet and commune with.  I'm very excited. I should have more time for writing and reflection in the coming week as well.  When I return from the festival next week, I will be placing down more roots.