Sharing Secrets, pt 2.

The secret of my sex work came out to just about the last family member that I care to tell. As for the rest, they will judge me how they will and I am at peace with that.  But it felt good to tell her--even if she's not of blood relation, she is family.

It marks a turning point, where I am no longer fearful of any of my family or loved ones rejecting me for what I do. Less and less do I worry what judgment others have. If I spent all my time trying to please people, doing what I thought they wanted, they would judge me as weak-willed and simply being a people pleaser, and they would be right. There is the nature of a people pleaser in me (how else could I enjoy this job so?) but I cannot let it rule every hour of my life.

As far as I know, I am unknown at work, but I don't know how long that can last. It seems inevitable, with the number of men working there. If I advertise regularly, it's only a matter of time before one of them sees me. Even if I blurred my face, I am not sure that would hide me.

I'm still deciding if I care about that, or if it just excites me.

Sharing Secrets

One thing I miss dearly is sharing secrets. We all have a need for secrecy, and we all have a secret self that we keep from the vast majority of the world. I keep my secret self so close because I've realized it is close to my true self, and I don't want it viewed in the wrong light, or by those who would judge harshly.

But within a safe space, that hidden self can come out into the light. It makes one both vulnerable and empowered. It creates that magical, hermetic container that can heal, give wisdom and self-knowledge.

We can't let all secrets out, no matter what idealistic argument might be put forward.  But giving them some fresh air, dusting them off and letting a little light shine on them can remind us what we treasure so much about them.