Winter Reading List

I've been reading quite a few books in the past couple of months. Some I'm still working through, some I've finished.  Much of them have been non-fiction or for my course. I still manage some casual reading though.

I finished the last bit of The Sea Priestess, by Dion Fortune. I kinds knew where it was heading, the last chapter, while  very well written...perhaps a little predictable. I have been enjoying going through it again to find the most teaching passes.

In the Dark Places of Wisdom, by Peter Kingsley. I picked this up while browsing Green Apple Books. It traces the Western philosophy and occult movements to the original split, and dives deeper to reveal its Eastern roots. It was an interesting perspective that has a ring of truth to it.

All My Heroes Were Hos, by Phyllis Serene. A picked up a kindle copy pretty cheap, as a recommendation. It's a fun little read, and shows be what could be possible for my own writing in the future.

The Long Day: The Story of a New York Working Girl, by Dorothy Richardson. Free as digital on Amazon! Originally published in 1905, it was converted to digital by a team of volunteers. A little glimpse into history is quite interesting. I'm not very far into it, truth be told. It had been in my kindle app for bits of casual reading.  Too bad I've not had much time for casual!

The Invisibles, volumes 1 & 2, by Grant Morrison. I borrowed these from a good friend, reading a bit here and there in between more "serious" literature.  But there are ideas tucked away in this comic, invisible worlds, altered consciousness...it has strangely informed my magickal studies. Then again, perhaps not so strange, as Morrison himself is a magician!

Sin in the Second City: Madams, Ministers, Playboys, and the Battle for America's Soul, by Karen Abbott.. Another book I picked up. This one is about the Everleigh Sisters and their infamous Everleigh Club in Chicago, during the 1930s. I'm still working my way through it, but I really love the way these two work.  They have a finesse I would gladly study under.

The Myth of Male Power, by Warren Farrell. The men in our course were reading this, so I decided I should read it too. And yes, I'm so glad I did. I'm only into the second chapter, and I'm surprised at how familiar I am with some of these concepts. The Red Queen talked a little about the biological side of male disposability disguised as male power, and this book has more of the psychological and cultural/socialization side of it.

Taking Time for Self

A part of my homework was to observe and to create rituals for self care.  In an initiatory path, any transformational work really, the first thing that happens is that all the old bits that no longer serve you, or are potential obstacles--all that starts to break up and reveal itself.  So taking care of the self, remaining conscious of the path and giving love to the self are all very important.

And I find the better I treat myself, the more that love just radiates out. It's been hard at times...I get caught up in the bustle of the holiday season. Yoga has been a wonderful way to take time out.  I'm reading more too. After a few books for my courtesan study, I'm taking a break with a few Grant Morrison graphic novels.  Now that guy knows a thing or two about initiation and magick. In fact, some of the material hits so close I'm not so sure this is light reading after all.

With all the bustle of the holiday season, I'm prepared to sit in my hotel room this week all alone with my class notes and journal. Maybe get some holiday shopping done. And then again, Babalon may gift me with a few wonderful men.

After all, I've been taking time out for myself....why not take some time out for yourself too?

Conversations at Work

I'm taking a lot more time off now, so I'm getting questions from co-workers. This one is preserved as much as possible because it's a gem.  Imagine me talking about this with an old Chinese woman....


"So...what this program you doing?"

"It's a program for...counseling. You know how some people feel bad about their body, they are lonely and want to meet someone? Or sometimes people just need to feel listened to, to feel connection. My friends always came to me for relationship advice, even before I ever started dating. So that's kinda what I'm doing..."

"Oh...you help people feel good with themselves. They spend time and feel better. They leave with smile on."

"....Yes, *****. That's exactly it!"

Diving Deeply: The Root Chakra

The last couple of weeks went by in a blur. The first part of spent in preparation for my weekend intensive. I had been calling them three day workshops, but now I understand why she calls them intensives. We spent most of three days with each other, learning from our teachers, from each other. Diving deeply into the energies of the root chakra: foundation, community, the material and sensual world, a coming into our bodies and our purpose. It was part magickal education, energy work, psychology and self-analysis, therapeutic techniques, life coaching and a path of spiritual initiation.

The first half of this week was something of a Toad's Wild Ride...getting my schedule straight for the next month and realizing my calendar starting to take shape for a full year. Holiday preparation. Beer brined turkey! And a list of old and dear friends to get back in touch with.

There is a new urge in me to become more seen...to live my path just a little more "out" and to put my gifts out there. To live my spiritual path more visibly and consciously.

And there is an urge to find space to let loose and be wild, and explore the spontaneous healing possible in that too.

Working with Taboo

One of my favorite types of sessions is exploring and playing with taboos.  Taboos, what is culturally or socially forbidden, is part of what defines a group of people. Those who don't play along are shunned or marginalized.  But nobody fits in completely, we are all drawn to one forbidden thing or another. We are drawn to these things because what is forbidden holds mystery, holds unknown keys to shadowed parts of ourselves.

My favorite taboo may be mixing sex in the workplace.  Stuffy offices, noisy factories. We are told constantly never to form relationships in the workplace, yet it happens. There is something in blurring those lines, in giving into animal drives despite logical reasoning. I also like the idea of bringing that erotic, intimate energy into places so often devoid of it.

And of course, coming to see a escort has its own taboo. Two people meeting in secret, creating something in a container made of shadow and secrecy.  It reminds me so much of magicians coming together for a secret sex rite.  Even just indulging in your own pleasure has been taboo due to this country's puritanical roots.

A more private taboo is my desire for submission. It's not secret that I tend towards the submissive in the bedroom and in play, but I rarely see the full range of it except with my own lovers. Much of it I would only indulge in with those I have a strong trust in. It takes a lot of trust for me to truly give up power.

There's lots of other taboos I like to explore, but I'll save them for another time. 

Notes from the Week

When last Sunday's Victory Bonfires broke out in the Mission...I had a feeling that it would be better to take the week off.  Not that a "week off" is ever truly a week off for me.  It's just that instead of luxuriating in pleasure I was doing things like....

.... checking out the coolest "science fair" all about booze and distilling. Lots of really finely crafted liquors: gin, whiskeys, rum, absinthe, geniveve (a dutch gin).  Oh yeah, and an awesome robot that mixed flaming cocktails.

.... discovering what they truly mean by: 'mo money, 'mo problems. Luckily, I can deal with this much.

.... sticking clear of the Giants parade. I'm not big on crowds, and especially crowds getting drunk before I had even gotten to my day job.

.... secret underground cabaret! I almost got tossed out for not wearing all black, (I had to go with red stockings, shamless whore that I am!)  but I made friends with our wonderful host by smoking her out with my finest trees. Wonderful acts of creation, of music and poetry, some just sharing stories. Ever so inspirational.

.... a randy & random hook-up with Hunter S. Thompson....okay, not really him, but in spirit. Spirit, I say.

.... setting up my long-term schedule for the coming months.  With my sacred courtesan weekend intensives, my incall weekends, trying to schedule some photo shoots, fitting in some family time for holidays...oh my, I am going to busy!


I remind myself to be patient for the next couple of months. I must keep the commitment to one job while transitioning to a stronger passion. It's good to keep the security while I take this time in preparation, to clarify my aims, to shift my personal habits...so many things making tiny shifts so they all orient in the same direction.  I want to live singularly, even if part of my work remains in shadow.

Reflections from San Jose

With my dedication to the sacred courtesan school made, I have been chomping at the bit to get started. My first intensive isn't even until mid-November. It has been a practice of patience, and dedications to commitments.  Indeed, there are a thousand little things I can do to be preparing (like writing more for this blog, hmm?) for the course. 

My weekend in San Jose went rather well. I met some wonderful people, and I was reminded that being open and extending trust are the foundation of relationship, of connection. Even a random stranger can amaze you with profundity if you are open to listening. It can feel like an odd thing to do with a stranger, in a culture where we are told to distrust everything: strangers, the media, our government, our senses. We are even told to discount ourselves. Most of our wounds, then, are truly about trust and connection.

I also recognized how centered on self I have been...in my motivations, my plans, my goals, in my work. Even my motivation in giving pleasure seems somewhat rooted in self desires. And in seeing this, I realize that it's also okay. I'm not totally self-focused, I seem to be focusing my energy where I most need healing. This weekend, I turned that around. I focused more on perceiving the needs of others, and being fulfilled through the satisfaction of those needs.

There was a profound realization in doing this, in shifting the focus from mere desires, to the need for connection, the need to be heard. The healing goes both ways. When a true connection is made, trust is exchanged and both people are open to the other...the energy flows in a wider circle, it circulates and is cleansed. Healing is generated by the two, by the connection. It's not a one way transmission.

What is even more beautiful to me is the thought that this healing will continue, that is will be spread by connection. The healing is shared, and the open we are to it, the more it is shared, the more it regenerates.